“I wanna come home.”
Shaky voice. Tears. That was my signature call to my mom whenever sleepovers got real. As night fell, my separation anxiety rose up, loud and undeniable. You probably know this struggle. Or your child does. Whether it’s generalized worry, social fear, or just pure separation angst, parents are usually stuck in the weeds, wondering what the hell to do next. And when your kid lashes out? When you yell back and instantly feel like the worst parent on earth? Relax. You aren’t a monster. You’re human.
Anxiety isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s messy.
In a FamilyLife Today podcast, David Thomas and Sissy Breaks down the dynamic. They suggest something uncomfortable but necessary. Kids don’t just feel their own emotions. They mirror our intensity. For parents, the real work isn’t fixing the kid. It’s looking in the mirror. How am I showing up? What are my blind spots?
“Reflect Jesus toward our children, check the posture of your own heart.”
Anxiety looks different in every kid. So here’s how to navigate the chaos, without losing your mind.
1. Respond. Don’t React.
Yelling doesn’t help. Imagine this scene. Your kid picks up a marker. Cap looks secure. They start drawing on your kitchen table. Blue scribbles everywhere. Now they stand there, marker in hand, panicked, unsure of the fallout. What do you do?
Scream at them for being careless? Probably the easy route. But in that spike of anxiety, what does that kid actually need? Safety. Care. Love. Not a lecture. Not “tough love.” Those things just scream that they’re a burden, or that their feelings don’t matter. Stop the reaction. Choose the response.
2. Behavior Is a Phone Call
Thomas and Goff put it bluntly. “Everything… acting out is trying to tell us something.” It’s not rebellion. It’s a plea for connection. Maybe it’s a hug. Maybe it’s a quiet room. Maybe they just need you to listen.
Think about it. When adults get overwhelmed, do we need a debate? Or a hug from Mom? Usually the hug.
So get down to their level. Look them in the eye. “Honey, you’re upset.” “You’re frustrated. Let’s take three breaths together.” It’s not magic. But it builds their coping toolbox, one breath at a time.
3. Calm Your Own Engine First
Here is a hard truth. You can’t pour from an empty cup, especially when the kid’s “thinking brain” is offline. They literally can’t reason while flooded. If you’re chaotic, you add to the storm.
Regulate yourself first. Co-regulation is the goal. Run laps in the house. Put on some ambient noise. Go to counseling. Do whatever it takes. You need to be the calm anchor when their internal world is spinning out. Bring your best self so they can bring theirs. It sounds simple. It isn’t.
4. Teaching Beats Punishing
Discipline happens. But not right now.
Not while anxiety is eating their insides alive. Parents want to fix. Fix fix fix. Or punish. Punish punish. It’s innate. We want to correct the behavior immediately. But if the kid doesn’t feel loved and safe in that moment? The lesson lands flat. Core feeling matters more than the rulebook. Let discipline wait until the dust settles.
Perfection isn’t the standard. None of us get it right 100% of the time. Kids aren’t perfect. We aren’t either.
There is grace here, though. A lot of it. God has felt the weight of anxiety, too. Jesus felt it. In Matthew 26:38, he talks about being “overwhelmed with sorrow.” He knew what was coming. He was terrified, maybe? But he wasn’t alone.
That same God is with your anxious kid right now.
Anxiety is real. So is God. Check out the free devotional by that name if you want more than just advice.
Brooke Wilson wrote this piece for FamilyLife. She lives in Greenville, South Carolina, with her husband Perry, baby Parker, and a chocolate lab named Willow. She spends her days editing content and her weekends hiking. Or drinking coffee. Usually both.
